How to Survive Dating in NYC

While, of course, it’s always useful to explore what you might be contributing to the scenario, it’s also legitimately difficult to find true love in the era of swiping left and right. Below are some tips for continuing to date, while not sacrificing your sanity and self esteem in the process.

Be honest, as early as possible, about what you’re looking for. Whether you say it in your profile or a few dates in, it’s best to be up front about your goals are. So often we fear scaring someone away, when in reality, if what we’re looking for scares them, they’re probably not the best match. It doesn’t have to be- “I want to marry you”- more “I’m looking for a dating situation that has the potential to grow into a long term relationship”. [insert your own goal here]

1. Don’t waste weeks texting and messaging. Try to meet as soon as possible to establish whether it might be a match. Does it get tiring? Sure, but if you’re not feeling a connection, you can always leave after the first drink. The longer it takes to meet, the more of a chance that people get distracted with other conversations.

2. Stop blaming yourself and looking for internal flaws. There’s a lot of deplorable behavior going on out there. If you get ghosted or someone’s not equally interested, it’s hurtful, but again, you’re better off not trying to force it. Spend time with friends or family who remind you of all of your amazing qualities.

3. Get offline…at least sometimes. Yes, apps are convenient when we’re busy working and running around town. However, why not join a kickball team or a Meetup group and meet people around your shared interests? Often, taking a more diverse approach can be surprisingly helpful. Also, making new friends is always great for expanding your (IRL) social network.

4. Take breaks when you need them. I think you know when you’ve had that 4th bad date in a row and are going to yet another engagement party/wedding/baby shower, and all you want to do is hide under the covers. It’s ok to take some time off and to focus on other areas of your life that you find fulfilling. You’ll know when you’re ready re-emerge. If you’re someone who has the tendency to disappear with your Netflix subscription for too long, ask a friend to check in with you after a set amount of time. It can be helpful to have that one person who holds you accountable.